We’re playing Wigan tonight. This is great. Rather oddly, I’ve come to love these Carling Cup matches. We’re on a hiding to nothing, it seems to me. Hang on, no. We’re on a hiding to everything. Is that right? No. We’ve got nothing to lose. Yes, that’s better. If we win (and I suspect we shall, but I wouldn’t say it very loudly) then we can talk loudly about how great our youngsters are, how exciting our future is, etc etc. If we lose, (and I suspect we shan’t, but I wouldn’t say it very loudly) then we can just talk about how it’s a Mickey Mouse competition. Actually, not even Mickey Mouse, as Mickey Mouse is quite a big and important cartoon. Maybe more like a Pluto character; big and shit, and fit for minor North London club sides and which our Colts XI can use as a warm up before the big youth game.
Etc.
It’s also the case that whilst previously the team has obviously been our youngsters, this season our first team is so young that the Carling Cup lot, being even younger, are comically young.
Still, there are some things to look out for. Zaki, doyen of fantasy football teams everywhere, will be playing and tends to score, but then again so will Carlos Vela. I’ve heard some people say that they’d like to see Vela play more, but I have mixed feelings about it. Whilst part of me would be delighted that he would play well, score goals and win matches for us, the other part of me would be sorry to see his potential revealed. At the moment he’s a little bundle of potential that sits on our bench, all warm and subjunctive. You hear murmurs around the Emirates as we get to the seventieth minute:
Murmurer 1: Oooh, I’d love to see Vela get a run at ‘em…
Murmurer 2: Oooh, Wenger never will. Playing it cautious, you see…
Murmurer 1: Ah, yes, I see. Very sensible. Good thing he’s bringing on Song though. That’ll lock things down.
Murmurer 2: Oooh, yes, I should think so.
Arsenal concede.
Murmurers (together): Bollocks.
Who knows what would happen if he came on…
I don’t usually do this but I feel I must bring this terrible article to the attention of the loyal readers.
The headline on the newsnow feed for this story is, quite literally, ‘Wenger to decide on January transfer activity’. What’s that, you say? ‘But he’s the manager’, you cry? Possibly you expect it’s more complicated than this. It isn’t. That is literally all it says. The article might as well read ‘Arsene Wenger does job’. I mean honestly who else is going to decide on transfer activity? Me? Celebrity Television Doctor Professor Robert Winston? From which tree did these people fall?
In other news, and to prove the veracity of our reporting to those of you who questioned earlier pieces, Arsene has cleared up the Barack Obama transfer issue, reiterating his faith in his youngsters and explaining why he doesn’t need to bring people in, least of all American Presidents-Elect the wrong side of forty-five, whatever the success some MLS players have had in England before. It’s not even a problem that he’s better-suited to (and perhaps better at) basketball, as Adebayor will no doubt testify.
As ever, if you have any threats or abuse, please send them in to us at upforgrabsnow@googlemail.com
Until then, let’s hope for a good one tonight. Come on the boys (literally) (actually not literally, that’s kind of gross, but you catch my drift),
Luego.
Tags: Arsenal, Barack Obama, Carling Cup, Carlos Vela, wigan