After it emerged today that Barcelona’s chief executive Cheeky Burgerstain had set a final deadline of Tuesday for the Catalan club to complete the signing of Arsenal skipper Cesc Fabregas, UpForGrabsNow was quickly on the scent.
We can exclusively invent that Arsenal big-wig Ivan “Gazza” Gazidis was seen buying a meal-deal in Boots’ Stansted Airport branch. Top-earning Gazidis was seen scratching his nose next to the low-fat yoghurt range, and was later spotted eating Hula-Hoops one by one from the end of each fingertip.
We understand that Gazidis was on his way to crunch talks at Camp Nou about the possible transfer of Fabregas. He is believed to have agreed a deal in principle for the sale of the young Spaniard, on the condition that any such deal go through only after the cows have come home.
If you’re after a more serious article, check out my take on the Wenger Haters, or a general whinge about billionaires ruining our fun.
Tags: Arsenal, Barcelona, Cesc Fabregas, Cheeky Burgerstain, Ivan Gazidis
August 12th, 2009 at 4:57 pm
is this fake then :S
August 12th, 2009 at 5:42 pm
hi my name is baba iam from mauritania .i am arsenal 100percent fan.pls tell arsenal mengement dont try that mistake of selling skipper.money is nothing .think what is happing in arsenal to day .we miss alot of player.adebayo is gone kolo is gone and now we dont have replacement.and we have many injurys player and we are going in to a season .pls tell mr wenger to buy more players we need a replacment .thanks
August 12th, 2009 at 5:48 pm
hey baba, don’t worry.
i’ll make sure to tell the “arsenal menegement” that they need to buy players just for you.
August 12th, 2009 at 5:54 pm
Please we need a playmaker,a defender and a serious goal getter.It is going to be tough otherwise number 8.
August 12th, 2009 at 5:56 pm
Pls dont sale fabregas.but buy at leas 3.player
August 12th, 2009 at 6:17 pm
Hey my name is PIOL from Nairobi(Kenya) please could you tell wenger that fans are against you. Be frank to the owner of the club, selling of the players is good to him but buying of the players is a problem to him what’s that? Please Arsenal is supported by the whole world don’t forget that. Thanks alot.
August 12th, 2009 at 6:21 pm
Next time I bump into Mr Wenger, I’ll pass on your full support.
August 12th, 2009 at 6:24 pm
I have heard all your worries. I will not see the players. I will also go ahead and forward to you their bank account numbers so that you can pay their salaries.
I also understand that you have a list of players i should bring in. I will like to have that list by Friday. I will like to shop for them before Saturday’s game. Thanks for doing my job for me 2000 miles away in Nairobi. I hope you got your season tickets.
August 12th, 2009 at 6:27 pm
With Arsenes Arsenal,the only impossibility is buying players. If this story is to be believed,then it will be vintage Arsenal to travel to a buyer to convince another club to buy its player. For money,they can do anything except spend. If they sell, they shall have lived up to their billings;a selling club with no winning ambitions
August 12th, 2009 at 6:32 pm
You’re quite right, Paxpaddy. Why would you not believe this story?
August 12th, 2009 at 6:37 pm
It seems all rumours about arsenal players out is turn to be true and all rumours about any players in for arsenal turn to be just rumours.
I dont know what AW had in mind and I dont what happens inside arsenal management, all I can feel is sadness and its a deep one.
How can we get something with current squad?
I am a die hard fans of arsenal not wenger and why all we do so far is trying to get money from our players not to get trophies?
Anybody can answer this?
August 12th, 2009 at 6:43 pm
How about we arsenal fans around the world put USD 1 per pax then we give it to le boss to buy players and pay debts if this story true. If we have 50 million fans then we get USD 50 mill so we can buy good players.
WE all know we short in defense but le boss keep telling us we good upfront.
What is this? We know that and AW please listen we short in defense………
August 12th, 2009 at 6:43 pm
Methink Wenger and Arsenal Board are bend on destroying the team 4 their egoistic interest at the detriment of the team’s progress and the teaming supporters by selling Fabregas. Go to Hell all.
August 12th, 2009 at 6:50 pm
no arsenal no werger no football if fabri leave no supporter
August 12th, 2009 at 6:52 pm
that’s the spirit anteneh, a Gooner til you die!
August 12th, 2009 at 7:28 pm
Is everybody on here stupid? Don’t you all realise that the originator of this post was taking the piss? Jesus Christ.
August 12th, 2009 at 7:34 pm
“…and was later spotted eating Hula-Hoops one by one from the end of each fingertip…” LMAO!!! Is there any other way to eat the mighty hoops??? Stuff ‘em in the CL i say.
August 12th, 2009 at 8:57 pm
I think we should not by Heng…land..or whatever his name maybe. We should instead sell Febregas to Barca for 30-40 millions and then put all that money that we have made this year in a bigggggggggg glass box hoping it will lay eggs so that we could double triple or even quadruple our wealth. Imagine how happy sight will it be for Arsenal Board of Directors!
As far as the team is concerned, I have a list of 30 starlets -aged 10-years-to15- that I am happy to share with the Board and Wenger. Believe me we can buy all of them for a fraction of what we have made this year alone. They all can play for us for 4-5 years, gain some experience, and then we can sell them as well and buy more starlets.
If you think these kids won’t be able to compete in the PL, so what? Haven’t we already have lived happily for 4 years without a trophy? Arsene Wnger has already started to prepare us for ‘life outside the Big Four’ by saying that a place in the CL is not our birth rigth, right? This means we should be prepared for a mid-table place soon. Finishing second in the CL was unimaginable for us just four years ago, and now even a fourth place prospects are a privilege.
Since our policy of buying starlets cheap and selling them at higher prices is working so well, we might even consider changing the name of the Arsenal Football Club (AFC) to Awesome Feeder Club!
August 12th, 2009 at 9:01 pm
Now, now Roy. You don’t mean all that, surely?
August 12th, 2009 at 9:06 pm
Hi i am Rikishi from Fiji, could someone tell mr wenger to buy david vila he is very good, and linel messy. we need trophy! also can you tel eboue to leave please. if mr wegner want to speak to me for players let me know i wil leave my email
August 12th, 2009 at 9:06 pm
Ben Hardy are you saying the originator of this article was Jesus Christ ………..it must be a sign.
August 12th, 2009 at 9:09 pm
I bet ‘wengas’ despite your rudeness 2 my bros here in Nairobi, u were one of the fans who walked out on arsenal 10 minutes in to the man u/arsenal game. I dont care if wenger buys good players worth a pair of boots as long as they deliver results. How can u give 17years old boys the task of winning against the likes of Drogba?
August 12th, 2009 at 9:39 pm
What is this, some kind of joke? ha!! if this happens it will be crystal clear that all the share holders are after money other than keeping the traditional ethos of football. and you ARSENE you created a terrific identity for the club. and FABRI is the typical example of that. the whole flavor will be lifeless in the premier league. i not only stop to be an ardent fan of Arsenal but i also quite entertaining the great ELP. please do not do anything stupid even a kid won’t do.
August 12th, 2009 at 10:13 pm
Sarcasm?
Nice one.
August 13th, 2009 at 4:08 am
haha, nice one. cows come home haha
but fab wont leave, not jus yet.
August 13th, 2009 at 6:29 am
eh wenger m real fan u don ever ever mak mistak of sellin cesc……..dat would break the fan base in asia n pls buy inler e sa fantastic player pls pls
August 13th, 2009 at 6:40 am
WELL I DONT KNOW WHATS WRONG WITH THAT WENGER,YOU SELL PLAYERS BUT YOU FIND IT HARD TO REPLACE THEM,WHY?I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT FANS ARE WATCH YOU WHOLE OVER THE WORLD.
WHY ARE YOU BEEN SELF CENTERED TO THE CLUB AND THE FANS?NOW YOU WANT TO SELL CESC AGAIN..YOU HAVE OVER 40 MILLION GBP IN ARSENAL ACCOUNT AND YOU FIND IT HARD TO BUY CHAMAKH.
I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT ONE DAY WILL COME GUNNERS FANS WOULDNT SHOW UP AT THE EMIRATE
August 13th, 2009 at 12:44 pm
Woooo!!!!!!!!!!, 45m is quite some money. Mr. Wenger might be scratching his head. But any way there other people who can replace Fab. Guys that money is too much to turn down.
August 13th, 2009 at 2:07 pm
All the way from South Africa…i say sell Fabregas…no player is bigger than the wonderful game.We played without him for three months last season and we have a lot of kids waiting to don the senior jersy. Arsene in you we trust and all those cry babies, you claim to be Arsenal fans, but only when they are winning…get a life support Barca
August 14th, 2009 at 8:31 am
ytwokay? You’re an idiot. No offence
August 14th, 2009 at 8:48 pm
How about most of you just shut your traps and let Arsene and the boys get on with their jobs. If any of you think you could actually do it better, I bet you’re more than welcome to apply.
But seriously, how long does it take for you guys to realize that the general policy of the club, is to develop their own players through the academy and buy f*ck all.
I know it’s a slimmer chance but I’d take the current policy and a league trophy any day over buying a bunch of established players and doin’ a double. At least I can say there’s a real diffrence between the way most other top clubs in the world are being run and ours. Ethical high ground is not to be scuffed at, mind you.
Funny piece by the way, lets just hope the cows don’t ever come home. Ever. Cheers, Guns till death.