Oh, what to make of it all? There was a time when I looked out for the Man Utd and Tottenham results and wanted them both to lose. It didn’t really matter who they were playing, except when they played each other when I generally hoped for a draw, injuries to key players and some long-term suspensions.
Yesterday Ashley Cole scored against Spurs. What was I meant to do?
It was the most emotionally confusing moment since a couple of hours earlier I found myself cheering Michael Owen’s winner for Man Utd. Then I saw the United fans celebrating and I stopped. Then I saw Mark Hughes’ face and I started all over again.
And what’s a Gooner to do when confronted with the spectacle of Craig Bellamy punching a United fan in the face? Whose side are we meant to be on?
Truly, Arsenal are a club surrounded by a wilderness of cunts.
Spurs and United are clubs with a long and despicable tradition of being cunts, whereas Ashley Cole may be the worst bloke alive, but he is only one bloke, not an entirely evil institution with a proven history of cuntishness – and City have only recently become complete cunts, though that doesn’t look like changing soon.
So yesterday was confusing. And there’ll be more like this to come with so many hateful clubs and individuals now in the mix, and that’s not even counting former footballer David Bentley.
My advice is to focus on the player/team that comes off worst, and to revel in their misery.
So don’t think about Cashley, think about Daniel Levy. Don’t think about United winning the Champs League, just remember John Terry making a tit of himself with the most important kick of his career.
In other news, Thomas Vermaelen’s goalscoring, fist-pumping, brave headering start in an Arsenal shirt has forced us to revise our previous comparisons – we now insist that Nemanja Vidic be referred to as ‘A Poor Man’s Thomas Vermaelen’ .
It has also strengthened the impression that new signings are always better than what we already have, not just because they’re new and shiny, but also because they’re better.
This impression only adds to the clamour for more spending, but we’d do well to remember that some signings are absolutely pants, and that Wenger’s recent purchasing of two players (for whom Man City would now almost certainly be prepared to pay £60-70m) for just £25m combined makes him a complete genius.
Signing players this good isn’t at all easy. And seeing as we’ve got very little cash, it’s just a good thing we’ve got the right man spending it.
Talking of Le Gaffer not being a mug, here’s a Gaffer mug. It is, as you might say, up for grabs now (ahem) as part of our glamorous tryst with our friends at Philosophy Football.
To get your mits on Arsene’s mug simply answer the following question: how many domestic doubles have Arsenal won with Arsene in charge? Please email your answer with name and address to admin@philosophyfootball.com with ‘UpForGrabsNow Competition’ in the subject title. Entries close on the 30th September.
Let's hope this isn't the only cup with Arsene written all over it this season
Tags: Arsene Wenger, ashley cole, Chelsea, man city, Manchester United, Mug, philosophy football, spurs, Thomas Vermaelen, tottenham hotspur
September 21st, 2009 at 1:38 pm
Great post keep it up
September 21st, 2009 at 1:39 pm
excellent post, i was in exactly the same situation with the owen goal – i just jumped up and bounced around for a bit before realising what i was doing! saying that i quite enjoyed cashleys goal aswell…. weird times!!!!
September 21st, 2009 at 1:46 pm
Great post, I hope this becomes a blog I can read without skipping past absurd dickheadery.
Keep it up.
September 21st, 2009 at 2:17 pm
this is a very witty post and would be perfect if you could bring youself to replace “cunt” with something else – how about “prick”?
September 21st, 2009 at 2:27 pm
Oh jack, how I tried.
My natural resistance to using the word “cunt” has unfortunately been rather shredded by the experience of having to think about Emmanuel Adebayor quite a lot last week.
But I know a lot of people don’t like it, and that we have readers of various ages and sensitivities, so I will try to use it only on special occasions.
Having said that, shouldn’t Sky take the opportunity to rebrand their hype for days like yesterday? I mean “Super Sunday” is getting a bit tired. I’d be much more likely to tune in if they got their usual voiceover guy to say something like:
“This Sunday… Live and exclusive to Skysports… it’s Rooney versus Bellamy and Hughes versus Ferguson at Old Trafford, while at Stamford Bridge it’s Drogba versus Keane… Cashley versus Jenas… Rednkapp versus the Ref…
That’s right. Join us this Sunday for the Carnival of Cunts”
September 21st, 2009 at 2:45 pm
Anyone cheering the other teams is a muppet. Ties for both games is what we should have hoped for. Now, Chelski is a massive 9 points ahead, five, six games in!
September 21st, 2009 at 2:53 pm
Yes. Sorry for swearing to everybody who’s offended by it. I’m prepared to shoulder a small amount of responsibility. We would love to use an alternative, if nothing else to distance ourselves from Arseblogger who has rather a monopoly on its effective deployment. And as Grabs points out, nothing else is really strong enough for Adebayor.
Believe it or not we even began as a family-friendly blog, but then realised that children, since they don’t have jobs, are never bored enough in the daytime to want to cruise the web for second or third-rate Arsenal waffle.
September 21st, 2009 at 3:15 pm
love the blog. i had me a good cry, the a laugh, and it ended in a catharsis (of miniature proportions). consider yourself bookmarked.
btw, why the poor graphics? its like going back in time to 1999…
September 21st, 2009 at 3:28 pm
Excellent blog. While a draw would have been nice i fucking detest Hughes all the way back from his man u days thru to his blackburn thuggery and loved seeing him get done by SAF. The invented extra time just makes it better. Hope bellamy gets banned for 10 games for punching that guy (what a brilliant thing to happen – a manc fan gets twatted and a rival striker gets in trouble with the FA all in the same moment) and they go on a serious losing streak that coincides with us going on a winning one.
TV is indeed already looking like an arsenal legend in the making. Having been starved of it for so long how great is it to at last have a CB who can bang headers in from set pieces.
September 21st, 2009 at 3:28 pm
Chelsea will drop points soon.. And then drop lots more in january. im not worried about them. I wanted man united to lose, because i know how consistent they can be and it wouldve been great to have them lose points early on. Man city would win, yes, but im sure they wouldnt be able to sustain their form and therefore lose points as the season pregressed. Gunners will be a real force come october.. I just have a feeling something amazing will reveal itself then. Keep the peace.
September 21st, 2009 at 3:28 pm
Brilliant as always.
September 21st, 2009 at 4:28 pm
i agree about everything except wen u called man city cunts, i personally dont have a problem with city(except adebayor). because even though they beat us at least they beat us fairly unlike man utd(hu really are huge cunts!). you have to admit that on the day they took their chances better than we did and deserved the win. I was cheering them on yesterday because if theres 1 team i absolutely hate with a passion then its man utd! cheating, hacking, diving, ref bribing cunts!!!!
September 21st, 2009 at 5:05 pm
The funniest thing after Owen’s goal against City was to observe how quiet Spurs fans got. Two defeats, comprehensive ones and the ‘we can get into the top 4′ has well and truly died down. Rumour is King cycled all the way back to WHL to get fit for the next game. I thought he just left the Bridge yesterday because Spurs are that damn awful!
September 21st, 2009 at 8:54 pm
love the post,, brilliant,, keep it up..
and as for the cunts i totaly agree..
was told a joke to day by my wee boy it had me in stitches..
Joleon Lescott walked into a bookies and tryed to place a bet that city would finish in the top 4.
Booky replys sorry i cant take that bet.
Joleon replys why??
The booky say look at the state of ur coupon..
September 21st, 2009 at 9:14 pm
I HATE MANCHESTER UNITED
September 22nd, 2009 at 3:50 am
i hate manchester united too. i hate every face in that club, and one of the best feelings i had was when the cameras zoomed in on ferguson’s face after henry scored a late winning goal for us against them. ooooh i still shiver from ecstasy when i think about it. n i’d like vermaelen to stick it to rooney and eboue, for once, to put his diving to good use n get gary neville sent off. n NANI. tt showboating portuguese dipstick. ooh, let me at him.
September 22nd, 2009 at 2:13 pm
Great post.
I generally wish for an earthquake or some kind of other natural disaster in these situations, in which the entire stadium plunges into the bowels of the earth taking both teams and both sets of fans with it.