Up For Grabs Now

So Arsenal can go top tonight if they duff Bolton by two goals or more. They can hit the heights, rule the roost, lead the pack, top the division and no doubt indulge in a number of other activities which make them sound like an accomplished and particularly dominant sexual partner, like Sting with more aggression.

Bolton may turn up with the vengeance mentality which saw Everton dazzle last week, and which saw Carlos Tevez mercilessly goad Ferguson and Neville last night.

For some reason Guy Mowbray kept indulging Tevez’s infantile benchward pouting by making it sound like some kind of redemptive justice was being achieved, just as he mysteriously described the pelting of Patrice Evra by City fans as ‘overexuberance’. Which is what you expect from an especially energetic bear-cub which accidentally cuffs its cuddly playmate, not some Manc bastard who throws a lighter at an opposition full-back from all of three feet away. But what do you expect when two such detestable institutions come face to face on live television? Dreadful.

Still, wasn’t it lovely to see Gazza Neville looking so pissed off? Let’s hope he gets banned. Banned from scowling on the bench beneath his revolting moustache, cos he certainly isn’t going to get a game.

In his current guise – slow, violent, hateful, nauseatingly coiffured - the Neviller would be better suited to the Bolton side we’ll be looking to dismantle this evening. What a snide and stroppy bunch they turned out to be, what with kneeing Cesc in the neck, elbowing Arshavin and all-sorts.

Coyle will surely have his men fired up, but after the callous disregard they showed toward our superstar skipper, let’s hope that our eleven are just as keen. With Denilson, Walcott and Clichy all available, I suspect we’ll start Almunia; HM The Right Back, Vermaelen, Le Gal, Clichy; Denilson, Cesc, Diaby, Rosicky, Eduardo, Arshavin.

But then, Arsene could always throw in a suprise. Like Sanchez Watt. What? Sanchez Watt. Oh, Sanchez Watt, of course. Is he available? It wouldn’t be the first time, not even the first time in three days, that Arsene has picked a young ‘un. Personally I thought Eastmond was pretty impressive, especially if you compare his performance with, say, certain of the early Outbursts of Song. Obviously consistency is the toughest thing at that age, but a very promising player I think and I won’t be complaining if he keeps his place in the side tonight.

If it’s him or Denilson anchoring then we can expect to see yet more Joyous Cesc, complemented by the throbbing force that is The Diaby Surge, which in recent months has more or less replaced the Out of Position Diaby to which we had become all too accustomed.

With Cesc back in the side, Diaby is no longer the fulcrum of our play, but he’s still an increasingly destructive attacking force, particularly when his Surge draws hapless tacklers and defenders towards him. This often creates the glimpse of space this team needs in order to break out of  the Islington Shuffle and cut through.

So maybe he is a fulcrum, of sorts. But then maybe a team needs more than just one fulcrum. Come to think of it, if we ever manage to field Cesc, Rosicky, Diaby and Nasri we will have no fewer than four bona fide fulcra, to which you can add Arshavin if he’s in the mood.

It’s all tremendously exciting.

Has anybody noticed how quickly the name ‘Emirates’ has become totally acceptable? I remember all those doubters demanding that Arsenal fans gang up and insist on the rather more awkward Ashburton Grove. It probably has something to do with ‘Emirates’ not being an very recognisable brand name – more the name of a country. It would be worse were it ‘The Durex Ultra Arena’ or the ‘Mothercare Bowl’, or ‘White Hart Lane’. Emirates is neutral, and not unpleasant to the tongue. Ho hum.

You can ponder that to your heart’s content. Rather more pressing is Bolton’s visit tomorrow night, which will give us the chance of going 2^nd again, one point behind Chelsea. Not many would have given us that when we were overwhelmed by the ghastliness of Didier Drogba last month, and it’s great that we’re so competitive. No chicken counting yet, mind. He’s off to the ACN to ply his brand of muscular offensiveness over there for a bit. It’s a massive blow for them: twattishness is to the operation of that team like petrol to a large, dreadful car, and Didier is like a big fat girlie-haired tank full of the stuff. I’d be extremely surprised if they got through without dropping some points – all that matters is that we capitalise.

We’re not without our own absences – notably Alex Song, who provided a timely reminder of his excellence with a granite performance against West Ham, which should certainly have earned him man of the match had it not been for Ramsay’s  He provokes such confusing sensations, does Song. I spent so long mocking him at every opportunity through the medium of sarcastic praise that now he’s become a Talismanic Cog™ I’ve become all conflicted. He’ll be missed, and with Cesc’s injury proving troublesome there will be high expectations of Diaby and Ramsay. Ramsay I’m hopeful for, Diaby fingers crossed.

If the predicted sub-zero temperatures materialise then the Bolton fans will suddenly feel at home, like the zombies from 28 Days Later in the dark, and the Emirates will be transformed from a hospitable place with a handful of moronic Northerners terrified and cowering from the level of civilisation into an inhospitable Artic place filled with semi-naked moronic Northerners imbued with the confidence of the frostbitten mind. The midfield, in particular, will have to have their angry faces on, particularly if Arshavin’s dodginess is as bad as some fear – he and Big Tom are the only ones really cut out for the cold.

On the plus side, Bolton are unsettled and leak goals like Tiger Woods leaks credibility, and are at present staring longingly at the non-relegation part of the league like Alex Ferguson watching a video of himself when he was younger, before he was transformed into a barmy time-denier who spends his Sunday evenings wandering around complaining that the hilariously benevolent five minutes of injury time was not enough for his team of crack idiotic millionaires to score an equaliser against the Most Unpleasant Side In History.

Sorry for being so intermittent of late. Both Grabs and myself have been indulging our other scribbly personae – mine to forge a living, his to – well I’ve no idea really. But something. We’re back in force for the new year – Gingers For Limpar and others can rest easy.

Come on you reds.

Finally a temporary break from the relentless tedium of half-baked speculation and ill-conceived transfer suggestions (see UFGN, last 2 days), and back to the real business – a steely, gristly, belt and braces, coal-face home game against the razorish elbows and looming studs of Bolton Wanderers. Yum

It’s as important a game as all our games are these days. I’m now pretty firmly in the habit of listening out for the Villa result, and so (at least for now) it feels like it’s them we’re vying against on a week-by-week basis. Bigger aspirations can wait for us to finally string a credible winning run today.

That said, I sense that today is especially important for us because with the FA Cup last weekend and the time away from the League since the Boxing Day games, our squad has had quite a long lay-off from intensive duty. In that time, we’ve heard a lot about corners turned, of fighting spirit questioned and reinvigorated, of newfound determination to prove the critics wrong. Which is all great… except if it all goes a bit Darren Bent against Bolton today.

A good win would build on a fluid showing against Plymouth and could signal a change of tone to our season, and a positive shift in belief, something we desperately need over the next few months if we are to play our way through our horrendous injury list. Of course a signing or two are also important (and clearly on Wenger’s agenda from his comments in yesterday’s press conference) but arguably what we really need is for the players we already have to bond into a decent unit and find some form at last.

Team news: expect to see Almunia, Sagna, Clichy, Djourou, Toure (c), Eboue, Nasri, Song, Denilson, Van Persie, Adebayor – though we might well see some Out-Of-Position Diaby thrown into the mix as well. If the game’s not going well, it will be interesting to hear how quickly the crowd start shouting for Vela and how soon Le Boss brings him on. He probably isn’t ready to start, but it’s good to have a game-changer on the bench, at any age.

Bolton: Unfortunately Bolton’s asshole-in-chief Kevin Davies looks like he’ll make the game. His asshole-lieutenant and midfield clone Kevin Nolan is suspended (as he surely always ought to be). Expect a customarily heroic display from Jussi Jaaskelainen and vague mutterings from a few discontented souls about how they’d take Fabrice Muamba back if it meant we didn’t have to play Alex Song. Muamba’s a good player, and it will be interesting to see how our players get on against him, but he isn’t Arsenal quality.

The only other player I’d pick out as a potential threat would be Matty Taylor, who likes to hit exactly the kind of long-shot which Manuel our Spanish waiter goalkeeper enjoys waving a vague paw at as it flies into the roof of the net. He’s also got a pretty decent goalscoring record against us, if memory serves, so we should try and keep him quiet. Their defence is shocking, frankly, and if Van Persie can keep up last week’s form, he should be able to cut them to ribbons.

WordsOfWenger: A wee transfer overview. Gossip is addictive, after all. Yesterday’s press conference provided a few insights into current squad and transfer strategy. Nobody’s leaving, including Kolo. And yes, that would seem to include Gallas. Arshavin’s probably on his way. Arsene’s obviously interested and it just remains for Zenit to realise that their bargaining position simply doesn’t exist and he’ll be posing in a brand new number 13 shirt.

Arsene called a defensive midfield signing “a priority”, which calls for a pretty ridiculously loud sigh of relief, if you ask me. I won’t pretend to know any more than anyone else about who this might be, although I’m always interested to hear your suggestions.

Less sigh-of-relief inducing was his ambivalence on Matthew Upson, and though he refused to say anything about him (as he did with Arshavin) he also said he wasn’t looking for a defender “at the moment”. The shred of hope is that he’s got a target who is currently looking unlikely but whose situation could change. That could be Upson himself, if not then I hope it’s Christian Zapata, a player we were certainly interested in in the summer and who I’ve been really impressed by whenever I’ve seen him play for Udinese. Apparently Milan and Juve are interested too. He’s been injured for much of this season, which is a drawback, but with others establishing their first team credentials, it might make Udinese more open to offers.

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