My fellow Arsenal fans.
Yesterday was an historic day. A momentous day when people all over the world looked on what they never thought was possible.
Many years from now, far down the corridors and hallways of this great nation’s history, our children’s children, and their children, and their children’s children’s children’s children, will look back on Tuesday 20th January 2009 in wonder. They will still be amazed at the generosity of the human spirit.
They will look back and they will ask how it could happen like this.
They will wonder how it happened that a young black man with a funny name and very little experience of high office could find himself joining Tottenham Hotspur for £14 million.
That young man’s name was Wilson R. Palacios, and in the ages to come he will stand as a symbol, strong and enduring, that in this great nation of ours anyone, absolutely anyone, regardless of talent or ability can win themselves an extortionate transfer to Tottenham Hotspur “FC” as long as they have what it takes.
That vital ingredient which lifts the spirit and forces Daniel Levy to once again abandon all sense of reason and decency:
A few speculative press stories linking you to Man Utd.
Yes, my fellow Arsenal fans, know that if you really want Tottenham to sign you and you can persuade some fat hack at the Mail to print some balderdash about United’s interest in you, then it will happen.
Know that Tottenham will make no discrimination of your footballing ability or market value before splurging their oodles of cash upon your head.
Know that they will never learn from their years and years of expensive, hubristic signings, empty trophy cabinets and sacked managers; that as long as you get them a quick headline they won’t mind if you’re not actually very good and will probably sell you to Sunderland or Portsmouth for sub-£2 million at the end of the season.
Know that if you play ok for Sunderland or Portsmouth then they will re-sign you for another ridiculous fee and that they will pay you a £70o,000 loyalty bonus.
All they ask is that you appeared in the same sentence as “Man Utd” and that this wasn’t in a match report in which you featured against Man Utd. When you have this, then know that Tottenham’s spirit of generosity, benevolence and chronic transfer market idiocy will know no bounds and they will stop at nothing until they have vastly overpaid for your distinctly mediocre services.
January 20th 2009. The day Tottenham changed the world carried on overpaying for the same old dross.
(Feel free to link this to any unfortunate Tottenham-supporting “mates”.)
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