Up For Grabs Now

The fanshare scheme (recently announced)
Grants fans the chance to purchase up to 12% of the club
This is more than a ninth,
But less than an eighth.

It is good news for fans of sharing
Shares in fans remain unaffected

Lady Nina Bracewell-Smith has no interest
Alisher Usmanov,
interestingly
Has too much.

Stan Kroenke is interested in lip hair.
But disinterested about splitting hairs
Over club shares. Which is interesting.
A share is just a hunny
Usmanov’s just a cunny

Mr Gazidis
I hope that you read this

(For)

I don’t mean to be demeaning,
But I”m a fan of your scheming.

After it emerged today that Barcelona’s chief executive Cheeky Burgerstain had set a final deadline of Tuesday for the Catalan club to complete the signing of Arsenal skipper Cesc Fabregas, UpForGrabsNow was quickly on the scent.

We can exclusively invent that Arsenal big-wig Ivan “Gazza” Gazidis was seen buying a meal-deal in Boots’ Stansted Airport branch. Top-earning Gazidis was seen scratching his nose next to the low-fat yoghurt range, and was later spotted eating Hula-Hoops one by one from the end of each fingertip.

We understand that Gazidis was on his way to crunch talks at Camp Nou about the possible transfer of Fabregas. He is believed to have agreed a deal in principle for the sale of the young Spaniard, on the condition that any such deal go through only after the cows have come home.

If you’re after a more serious article, check out my take on the Wenger Haters, or a general whinge about billionaires ruining our fun.

We hired a new CEO yesterday, Ivan Gazidis, whose experience of football is mostly from America. This suggests two things to me: firstly he’s probably good with cash, and secondly that he probably knows nothing whatsoever about football. Both of these are helpful traits; I was very alarmed at some of the names being touted previously, who were men with serious experience working in football in serious footballing places, places that aren’t America, for instance. That’s the last thing you want.

What you want is somebody very good at not giving agents any money, and not giving in to people like Emmanuel Adebayor when they tell you that they’re the most valuable men in the world, even more valuable than the entire defence, say. Anyway it’s not a decision they came to slowly. You imagine the Arsenal boardroom at times to be a bit like a convergence of the ents in Lord of the Rings. They never discuss anything quickly, and they never speak about anything unless it is worth taking a long time to say.

Anyway. It’s another bit of stability in what has been a good stabilising week so far for the club. Hopefully the nous and the extra revenue he can drive will act as a barrier against evil Boss Nass look-alikes who want to use our football club as a place to rape and intimidate people.

Gael Clichy has slightly come out of my good books for his attack on Gallas. I thought he’d done so well the other day, and then he goes and is mean to poor William just when the chips are down.

Clichy out! Gallas in!

Etc.

Seriously it does seem a bit silly to suggest that Gallas ‘shattered’ moral with his comments. I imagine that losing to Fulham, Hull, Stoke, Villa and Manchester City, and drawing with Tottenham, is what damaged morale. But perhaps I’m old fashioned. To my mind the bigger issue was Gallas’ impropriety in the role of captain. Maybe that’s what Clichy means.

From now till Sunday it’s going to be build up to Chelsea. Anybody got any good ideas? I have to say, just as against Utd, I feel quite optimistic – Chelsea didn’t look convincing last night, and our lot have little to lose at the moment. I daresay we’ll start to get injury news quite soon.

I’d like to start Vela, please. And I’d like Wilshere on the bench, please, and for him to come on for at least fifteen minutes. And for Song either not to play at all or to transform into a six foot four Senegalese called Patrick in 2001.That can be a very small part of my early Christmas present. How about you?

Ivan “Gazza” Gazidis that is! It’s the signing Gooners everywhere have been dreaming of. He’s a big, bald, seasoned veteran with experience at the top level. Just what we need in our midfield boardroom.

Seriously though, this not having a Chief Executive lark had gone on way too long. It might explain why Arsene hasn’t signed anyone recently. He just couldn’t be arsed with all the paperwork – sorting out their blooming visas, fiddling around with multiple passport photos and such. 

Now we’ve got Gazza I expect us to immediately sign all sorts of good expensive players such as Sergio Ramos, Sergio Aguero and the appropriately named Spanish goalkeeper Sergio Arsenjo. Not really sure why we’ll only sign players called Sergio with Gazza at the helm it’s just my gut instinct. A spate of Sergios is ahead. A shower of sheer Sergiosity to save the season!

Seriously, I just hope he gets on with Arsene and gives him lots of money in January to spend on ridiculously talented but as yet unheard of players like Eduardo and Sagna.

Any thoughts?