Up For Grabs Now

I figured I’d blow the cobwebs off this old lady and take the time to respond to some of the pessimism surrounding the 4-4 draw away at Newcastle. I’m not going to defend the team’s performance in the second half. Arsenal should not be in the business of conceding four goals in a match, let alone one half, against anyone. However, I also think some perspective is called for. We had a bad half. A cataclysmic half. Every team has these from time to time – passages where the whole lot just fall to pieces, and your team seems to turn from Champions League contenders into kindergarten retards. It’s never fun to watch, as Saturday reminded us.

But but but. We still drew. Our worst passage of play of the season and we still drew. We conceded four but we’d already scored four, at a canter. If we had been 1-0 behind and equalised at the last minute, nobody would really be grumbling about a draw away at Newcastle – particularly not after they beat us at home. In fact, how many of us would have swapped a draw for a Manchester United defeat? Arsene spoke after the game about the potential psychological impact of the second half, but it won’t be nearly as powerful as the impact on Ferguson’s jolly band of smelly, er, professional footballers. Every team in the league will have a go at them now, and some of them will be successful. United will drop more points. Every team in the league was already having a go at us, and so far we’ve more or less batted them off.

We’re hot favourites for the Carling Cup, we’re still in the FA Cup and, as far as I’m concerned, we’re favourites for the Premier League too. We’ve arguably the best attack in club football, and though our defence is not what it could be, we still look much more up for a ruck than we have during the past few seasons. That said, if nothing else Saturday proved once and for all that Diaby will never be Alex Song. (And who, four years ago, would have imagined that sentence ever being credible?). But there is more to be happy than sad about.

Now all we’ve got to do is breeze over those Catalan chancers next week, and my Quadruple accumulator will be looking rosy once more. Chins up, Grabbos

A lot has been said and will be said about the result on Sunday, but now that some of the dust has settled I feel a bit more comfortable talking about it. On the walk (which feels longer every time you do it – weird) from Highbury and Islington to the Emirates I was saying, in a rather un-fanatical way, that I’d be happy with a point. Obviously we always want the Arsenal to urinate on United from a great height, but realistically it’s not always possible, and with the results as they’ve been this season the way we’ll win the league is by taking three points from all of the crap sides rather than duffing the big boys. Leagues are really won in this way – by consistently beating the mediocre sides – winning twice rather than drawing against crap teams is worth more than losing to one of the big sides, though the latter will invariably get the profile.

As it happened, we lost. In the event it looked comfortable for them, and we were certainly ragged at times – particularly when our heads dropped just before and after half time, but I don’t think the game was a foregone conclusion. We weren’t nearly as bad as some of the newspapers would have you believe. Arshavin had a couple of great chances at the start, and if those had crept just the other side of the post the game would have looked very different. It galls losing to a side with an entirely ginger backbone: Brown, Scholes, and Rooney, and particularly one which considers Jonny Evans to be a first-team centre back, but you must remember that this is Manchester United we’re talking about. Even the apparently rather successful advent of 3-D coverage doesn’t begin to approach the hideousness of seeing Wayne Rooney close-up. Marking him must be quite the most onerously disgusting task this side of mythology. It was also a bit unreasonable for Nani to suddenly decide that he can play football, having spent most of this season wandering around like a hapless extra in some disastrous Iberian soap opera.

Song, Fabregas, Arshavin, Vermaelen looked good. Que sorpresa. Others looked a bit off. Nasri and Clichy looked hopelessly weak – the former particularly is really not progressing as you’d have hoped from a man who arrived under the ‘New Zidane’ banner beloved of those whom the gods wish to destroy. He’s got a nice touch, but he neither imposes himself physically on games or mazily dribbles his way through them. One hopes that as our midfield makes its Singer Sargeant esque return from the Triage tent the competition for places will make him pull his socks up. I have fewer fears for Clichy – he just needs a run of games.

A note on John Terry: ha ha ha. I hate international football (particularly England) so I couldn’t really give a hoot either way, but I would say that the real question is surely whether the pleasure one derives from knowing that Wayne Bridge has been cuckolded is greater or less than the misery of John Terry sleeping with a lithe French underwear model(among others) It’s tough, but I think that the fact his liaisons varieux have come to such epic grief compromises them enough that we can celebrate. Well done John! Great cuckolding! Great morale! Great leadership! On which note, do we know yet whether he prefers to lead from the front or the back?

That’s your lot for now, and our hopes for a quick recovery against the Blue lot. It won’t be easy, but don’t despair. Remember last season how we pulled off all those great results when we were against it? Yes. There you go. Soothing. And if not, Liverpool are as self-doubting at the moment as Terry’s PR guy, so that’ll be fine.

What do you reckon?

So Arsenal can go top tonight if they duff Bolton by two goals or more. They can hit the heights, rule the roost, lead the pack, top the division and no doubt indulge in a number of other activities which make them sound like an accomplished and particularly dominant sexual partner, like Sting with more aggression.

Bolton may turn up with the vengeance mentality which saw Everton dazzle last week, and which saw Carlos Tevez mercilessly goad Ferguson and Neville last night.

For some reason Guy Mowbray kept indulging Tevez’s infantile benchward pouting by making it sound like some kind of redemptive justice was being achieved, just as he mysteriously described the pelting of Patrice Evra by City fans as ‘overexuberance’. Which is what you expect from an especially energetic bear-cub which accidentally cuffs its cuddly playmate, not some Manc bastard who throws a lighter at an opposition full-back from all of three feet away. But what do you expect when two such detestable institutions come face to face on live television? Dreadful.

Still, wasn’t it lovely to see Gazza Neville looking so pissed off? Let’s hope he gets banned. Banned from scowling on the bench beneath his revolting moustache, cos he certainly isn’t going to get a game.

In his current guise – slow, violent, hateful, nauseatingly coiffured - the Neviller would be better suited to the Bolton side we’ll be looking to dismantle this evening. What a snide and stroppy bunch they turned out to be, what with kneeing Cesc in the neck, elbowing Arshavin and all-sorts.

Coyle will surely have his men fired up, but after the callous disregard they showed toward our superstar skipper, let’s hope that our eleven are just as keen. With Denilson, Walcott and Clichy all available, I suspect we’ll start Almunia; HM The Right Back, Vermaelen, Le Gal, Clichy; Denilson, Cesc, Diaby, Rosicky, Eduardo, Arshavin.

But then, Arsene could always throw in a suprise. Like Sanchez Watt. What? Sanchez Watt. Oh, Sanchez Watt, of course. Is he available? It wouldn’t be the first time, not even the first time in three days, that Arsene has picked a young ‘un. Personally I thought Eastmond was pretty impressive, especially if you compare his performance with, say, certain of the early Outbursts of Song. Obviously consistency is the toughest thing at that age, but a very promising player I think and I won’t be complaining if he keeps his place in the side tonight.

If it’s him or Denilson anchoring then we can expect to see yet more Joyous Cesc, complemented by the throbbing force that is The Diaby Surge, which in recent months has more or less replaced the Out of Position Diaby to which we had become all too accustomed.

With Cesc back in the side, Diaby is no longer the fulcrum of our play, but he’s still an increasingly destructive attacking force, particularly when his Surge draws hapless tacklers and defenders towards him. This often creates the glimpse of space this team needs in order to break out of  the Islington Shuffle and cut through.

So maybe he is a fulcrum, of sorts. But then maybe a team needs more than just one fulcrum. Come to think of it, if we ever manage to field Cesc, Rosicky, Diaby and Nasri we will have no fewer than four bona fide fulcra, to which you can add Arshavin if he’s in the mood.

It’s all tremendously exciting.

Oh, what to make of it all? There was a time when I looked out for the Man Utd and Tottenham results and wanted them both to lose. It didn’t really matter who they were playing, except when they played each other when I generally hoped for a draw, injuries to key players and some long-term suspensions.

Yesterday Ashley Cole scored against Spurs. What was I meant to do?

It was the most emotionally confusing moment since a couple of hours earlier I found myself cheering Michael Owen’s winner for Man Utd. Then I saw the United fans celebrating and I stopped. Then I saw Mark Hughes’ face and I started all over again.

And what’s a Gooner to do when confronted with the spectacle of Craig Bellamy punching a United fan in the face? Whose side are we meant to be on?

Truly, Arsenal are a club surrounded by a wilderness of cunts.

Spurs and United are clubs with a long and despicable tradition of being cunts, whereas Ashley Cole may be the worst bloke alive, but he is only one bloke, not an entirely evil institution with a proven history of cuntishness – and City have only recently become complete cunts, though that doesn’t look like changing soon.

So yesterday was confusing. And there’ll be more like this to come with so many hateful clubs and individuals now in the mix, and that’s not even counting former footballer David Bentley.

My advice is to focus on the player/team that comes off worst, and to revel in their misery.

So don’t think about Cashley, think about Daniel Levy. Don’t think about United winning the Champs League, just remember John Terry making a tit of himself with the most important kick of his career.

In other news, Thomas Vermaelen’s goalscoring, fist-pumping, brave headering start in an Arsenal shirt has forced us to revise our previous comparisons – we now insist that Nemanja Vidic be referred to as ‘A Poor Man’s Thomas Vermaelen’ .

It has also strengthened the impression that new signings are always better than what we already have, not just because they’re new and shiny, but also because they’re better.

This impression only adds to the clamour for more spending, but we’d do well to remember that some signings are absolutely pants, and that Wenger’s recent purchasing of two players (for whom Man City would now almost certainly be prepared to pay £60-70m) for just £25m combined makes him a complete genius.

Signing players this good isn’t at all easy. And seeing as we’ve got very little cash, it’s just a good thing we’ve got the right man spending it.

Talking of Le Gaffer not being a mug, here’s a Gaffer mug. It is, as you might say, up for grabs now  (ahem) as part of our glamorous tryst with our friends at Philosophy Football.

To get your mits on Arsene’s mug simply answer the following question: how many domestic doubles have Arsenal won with Arsene in charge? Please email your answer with name and address to admin@philosophyfootball.com with ‘UpForGrabsNow Competition’ in the subject title. Entries close on the 30^th September.

Let's hope this isn't the only cup with Arsene written all over it this season

As I mentioned before, I’m done with the team’s performances this season, and I’m not going to talk too much about the nil-all United love-in at Old Trafford which just happened, except to grudgingly concede Alex Ferguson’s achievement. As we saw so painfully over the last few weeks, they’re a cracking team, with the mixture of grit and flair we’ve yet to find. Obviously they’re all still a pack of cunnies, but there you are.

But back to non-playing Arsenal news, and Adebayor’s here, giving an interview to Football Focus that does nothing to reassure anyone about his commitment to the club. Aside from nonsensically denying the AC Milan stories (“if Milan come for Adebayor, it’s not Adebayor’s fault”) that have enraged everyone, he then says that the fans have disappointed him with their booing and lack of singing his song.  I must say that Garth Crooks’ subtly antagonistic, patronising style of interviewing (“do you like it when they sing your song?”) is completely infantilising, and proof if any was needed that racism doesn’t have to be about skin colour.

Speaking about his season, Adebayor seems to suggest that it was the fans’ attitude, and not his lackadaisical idleness in front of goal and flirting with Milan, that caused them to turn on him. What crap. If the man wants a future at Arsenal he needs to grow up. Even without any signings next season with Bendtner a year older, Vela chomping at the bit, Walcott keen to move central, Arshavin looking dangerous wherever and Van Persie an automatic starter he’s going to have his work cut out for a place.

It seems increasingly unlikely he’ll be here. Would anyone really miss him?

Don’t forget about the Philosophy Football dinner listed below. Should be a great night, and a pleasant end to a season which has otherwise been a bit ugly…

It’s very difficult to put the size of this evening into words. You all know what it feels like right now. A few hours to kick-off. Dreams and nightmares all morning, then all afternoon. For some reason I decided to wear my yellow away socks all day under my jeans. Pulled right up to the knees. It’s itchy under there, and it’s tense.

People play football all over the world, every single week. Arsenal play most of those weeks. But sometimes football gives certain players, certain teams, certain fans, the chance to achieve something which will never be forgotten.

Much of the British press was this morning presenting the game as essential if Arsenal are to keep their bigger names at the club. Even with a game as big as this, all they’re interested in is transfer gossip. Pathetic. If all they’re interested in is the transfer market, on this of all days, then they need to find themselves a new interest, and get someone who knows and cares about football to write about it.

Tonight isn’t about who stays and who goes, who might be here next season and who might not. Who cares? That stuff will sort itself out, frankly. It’s about Arsenal playing Man Utd for a place in the European Champions’ League Final. And it’s about making sure we win.

Sammy Nasri says that tonight has got to be “like a volcano” and I’d say that’s about right. There aren’t many sides against which I wouldn’t back us hands down to overhaul a slim, single-goal deficit in a home second-leg. But United are a little different, and last week they seemed to have what very, very few teams ever achieve against Arsenal – control.

Bits of tonight will be tense, testy, and all about control. Getting the ball down, keeping it, crafting out decent chances. Playing it patient, tight and waiting for good openings. But knowing Arsenal – and unless things go horribly wrong – we’re likely to see at least a bit of volcano before the night is through. A bit of Champions’ League Night madness where everything goes absolutely crazy.

Let’s hope our boys can stand the heat, and that we come out of that volcano staring at May 27th in Rome.

With RvP back and ready to score the big goals to fire us to the Final, the team will almost certainly by a 4-4-2: Almunia, Sagna, Gibbs, Toure, Silvestre, Nasri, Walcott, Fabregas, Song, Van Persie, Adebayor.

It might be tempting to switch Sagna to left back (where he can easily adapt) and bring in Eboue at right-back for his experience. Others have suggested starting Djourou ahead of Silvestre, which is similarly tempting but would have the opposite effect in terms of experience. An unpopular variation would see some kind of 4-5-1 involving Abou Diaby, perennially chosen for the big games, it seems.

As always, delighted to have your thoughts on who you want to see in, and who you’d rather sit out.

Twenty years ago this month, on May 26th, 1989, Arsenal went to the reigning champions of England needing to win by 2 clear goals to win the League. Our victory that night couldn’t have come any later, and couldn’t have felt any better. It has inspired generations of Gooners since, and always will.

Tonight, of all the nights between that one and this, for Arsenal, it really is Up For Grabs Now.

The last couple of years haven’t been the easiest as an Arsenal supporter. Don’t get me wrong, of course we have come through much bleaker and more difficult times than the recent period, it’s just that there’s something especially painful about the feeling of coming close time and again, something especially frustrating about glimpsing so much glorious potential only for it to peter out at crucial moments.

Somehow, this season there’s the sense that something has to go for us, and that with a bit of the luck that we’ve seemed to miss for the last few seasons, this team could achieve something incredible.

Arsene couldn’t have summed up the feeling of every Arsenal fan better:

This is the moment we’ve been waiting for… there is something special we all hope will come out at this stage of the competition.

The great thing about being a Gooner, particularly under Wenger, is that you can look forward to every game knowing that if the team plays as well as it can the other team simply won’t stand a chance. Regardless of who they are, how expensive their side is and how many medals they’ve already got in their starting line-up.

But at the highest level, tonight’s level, we still haven’t seen this team keep up that incredible quality of performance for long enough to win through. Liverpool last year. Chelsea  ten days ago. It’s so frustrating because we know that the side is capable of winning. But make no mistake, the reason we can’t sustain that level of play is because it’s bloody difficult to reach in the first place, something some Gooners understand better than others. There’s a sense that though we’ve seen patches of just how devastating our game can be, we still haven’t quite realised what it is capable of doing to the opposition if sustained over 2 legs.

Tonight, of all the big Arsenal nights, is the time when these players need to perform. There are some games you never forget, games that become definitive of players, teams, even clubs. Remember Wiltord in 2002. Remember Giggs in 1999.

Tonight we face a United at the height of their powers. Talk of their recent form can be dismissed - these are big game players who know how to raise it for the big nights and how to perform when it really matters. They are the champions of England, Europe and the World, and tonight Arsenal have the chance not just to burst their bubble of dominance, but also to inflict the sort of defeat that announces the arrival of a major force in European football.

It’s a huge opportunity, one we can’t afford to waste. It’s also the sort of fixture our players should live for. Teams like Real Madrid and AC Milan are constantly turning the heads of our young players, and have been for many years. Well, neither of them are in the semi-finals of the Champions’ League, however much they might think of themselves. Tonight is a chance to show that clubs don’t get bigger than Arsenal FC, and that for footballers with real ambition, Arsenal is the place to be.

Let’s hope our boys make it count.

Arsene Wenger has today sanctioned a deal to bring leggy diva Beyonce Knowles to the Emirates next season. It is believed Wenger moved for Knowles after leggy diva Emmanuel Adebayor revealed to a bewildered English press that it was the lure of Beyonce which had made him seriously consider joining Milan last summer.

Knowles: Finally a long-term successor to Ray Parlour

‘Le Prof’ is known to consult players over signings, however the arrival of Knowles remains something of a surprise since she has no experience of top-flight football and had been enjoying a flourishing solo career. Her record company Columbia Records are said to be phlegmatic about the loss of Knowles, and they have high hopes for her replacement, Phillipe Senderos, who was included in the undisclosed deal at the last minute.

In an EXCLUSIVE interview with Arsenal TVOnline, Senderos thanked Gunners fans for their support throughout his time at the club, but admitted that the chance to become a major recording artist was  too good to turn down.

[That's enough claptrap - Ed]

So a fun weekend, a weekend of Cescy goals, a lead over Villa expanding faster than Simon Cowell’s cup-size, Tottenham once again humiliating themselves in the public eye and United having heinous decision after heinous decision go in their favour. First the penalty, then Giggs. Tragic. It’s enough to make you poke your eyes out with your housekeys then jump out the window.

Hopefully, United will now regard themselves as unbeatable and will be brought crashing down from their hubristic height by the irresistible Islington Shuffle when it smashes into The Theatre of Dreams (no hubris there then, nope, none) in its polite, non-aggressive, why-not-square-it-again way on Wednesday.

Nah, I hope Ronaldo and Rooney both miss penalties and are mercilessly goaded by Eboue and a suddenly vindictive Abou Diaby (in the timeless manner of Keown - God I love Keown), and then Alex Song scores a second-half hatrick to place the tie out of their reach. No club deserves a good kicking like United do now, the nobbers.

Infuriating United Fact: Between 1993 and 2003 United conceded a massive FIVE penalties at Old Trafford in the Premiership. Right. So away penalties are biennial in Manchester, then? A bit like the African Cup of Nations.

The chat is that Nasri might play defensive midfield, freeing up Cesc to wreak all kinds of chaos. I’d be surprised if this happens, firstly because Rob’s injury sort of means Nasri has to play on the left (Diaby, anyone?) and also because I think we’ll start with Song and Denilson in defensive midfield, which would still give Cesc a bit of freedom to roam.

What do you think? Who’d you start with?

A magnificent performance from the boys, who threatened to run riot in the first half and then strolled through the second. Villarreal were surprisingly poor, and rarely have I seen one player (Marcos Senna) missed so conspicuously – it was like their defence and midfield had completely lost their bearings.

There’s been more than enough yabbering about what happened. I only want to add a word of praise for Alex Song, man of the match for me, who put in a mighty shift at the heart of midfield. Whether he was spoiling, blocking, chasing, clearing, or passing searching balls out wide, everything he did – pretty much – seemed to come off on a night where he came of age as a top flight footballer.

How do you replace The Invisible Wall? Perhaps with a Very Visible Wall.

Minor Gripe: Ade. Now, over the tie he scored twice and of course that’s what you ask for in a striker. From a distance, he did well, making decisive contributions in both matches. But, wouldn’t it be so much nicer if he appeared to give one? If he found himself onside every so often? If he was on his toes ready to pounce for loose balls in the box and if when moves broke down he got back into a dangerous position rather than losing interest and looking mystified? I’m not saying he shouldn’t start, because 4 goals in 3 games is rather a nice ratio, but I just don’t see why this has to be accompanied with such a grudging attitude, as if playing for Arsenal is this horrible thing that he’s being forced to do. Plus, the game would have been over by half time last night if he’d been that interested in it. Interested to get some readerly opinion on him.

Amid the hype (see below) about the United match, no-one should forget that this is only the second time in the Club’s history that we’ve made it to the semi’s of the Big Cup. Greater and far more celebrated Arsenal teams with big names and world-beating reputations have failed to get this far before, so to make it here with what is essentially a youth team is a sensational achievement.

Now it’s time for the kids to do some proper giant-killing.

Ten years ago, in season 1998/99, we should have won the double for the second season in a row. Instead, United won the FA Cup Semi-Final, pipped us in the league thanks to some shameful rolling over from T*ttenham, completed the treble with an incredibly lucky win against Bayern… and we still haven’t heard the end of it.

We now have the chance to knock them out of Europe, deny them the chance of back-to-back Champions’ Leagues and put a massive dent in their league campaign. It doesn’t get any bigger.

We will be playing at home in the second leg, by no means a decisive advantage but one which it’s great to have before a ball’s been kicked. Arsene said the percentages in favour of the home team in the second leg is 55-45 – which isn’t half bad if he’s right (and yes I’ve read Finkelstein on the subject, I just don’t really believe him). In any case, when we’re at home in first legs, things always seem to get very cagey and we end up going away with a very slim lead to defend.

It’s still 2 weeks away, and we’ve a massive match at Wembley in between, but I already feel too nervous to eat. I’m off to put a few quid on a spectacular Eboue winner at the Emirates.

So it’s Villarreal up next in early April. Crucially the second leg is at the Emirates – that could give us the edge.

Villarreal will be tough opponents, certainly, but if you look across the other teams we could have drawn, you’ve got to be pleased with that one. I always say we play better when given big draws, as our run to the 2006 final bore out, but when it comes down to the draw itself I’m always desperately hoping we avoid the bigger fish.

If we get past Villarreal (and let’s not get too far ahead of ourselves, it will be tough) then we will most probably face Manchester United in the semi-final.

There will be those who will have dreaded such a draw. United are extremely strong, with a mighty squad and a whiff of invincibility. Sure, they lost to Liverpool, but will that result really matter in the final Premier League reckoning?

Better, you might think, for Arsenal not to have to play them at all. Better that if they are to win the European Cup back to back, it should be without having conquered Arsenal along the way. Better for us to be able to pretend we would have beaten them, but never got them in the draw.

You won’t be hearing anything like that from UpForGrabsNow.

I am right now drooling uncontrollably at the prospect of United in the semis (distant as I will try and keep it in my mind). Why?

Because it gives us the chance to be the ones to wreck their season, the season which the pundits have already decided is to end with 5 trophies.

Because it gives us the chance to turn this season – their season – into our season, the season we will always remember as the season when we triumphed over (let’s face it) one of the best English club squads ever assembled when no-one thought we could do it.

Because whatever the hype about them, and however good their players actually are, and however formidable a foe Alex Ferguson will be for Arsene, there is always the fact that WE ARE THE ARSENAL.

There is no team in the world who we cannot meet, beat, and outplay, when we play as well as we can.

Finally, because when we were Invincible, the cheat Wayne Rooney and that sad coward of a referee ended our unbeaten run at Old Trafford and did immense damage to our incredibly talented squad. That defeat cannot be properly avenged without beating United when it really matters, when it really hurts.

We can do that now. We have that chance. And nothing would feel better.