Up For Grabs Now

Unbeaten in six, back in the top four, Denilson hitting some form and with a run of nine very winnable games stretched out in front of us, right up until Roma in late February, perhaps it’s not so bad to be a Gooner after all?

It’s felt like a crap Christmas week from an Arsenal perspective, though I did get some sweet retro Adidas boots for Crimbo, which made me feel a bit better and will doubtless lead to countless hopeless Van Persie impersonations in the park. I always find that my legs aren’t quite bendy enough for this sort of thing.

But suddenly we’re eking out gritty victories over teams led by club legends and Arsene’s chuckling benignly and knowingly when asked about the prospect of us signing exciting, creative new players like Arshavin. Sure, he’s not naming names and for all we know he may actually have lined up Titus Bramble to bring a bit of sparkle to our attack (remember: a good player can play anywhere), but still, his flirty giggles and naming of no names has got us all going a bit, hasn’t it?

In that Sky interview, Wenger alarmingly pointed out that “3 points were requested today“. What? Does that mean that all this time we’ve been fretting away, all we needed to do was ask nicely every week and Arsene will pass on this request to the lads, who will grumpily oblige with a scrappy win? If only we’d realised sooner!

I’ve written a short play which explores some of the issues managers like Arsene must face at this testing, formative period of their lives.

Act One, Scene One

[The Emirate's Stadium at night. Arsene is wearing an inelegant puffa jacket and trying to avoid Geoff Shreves. The Arsenal fans' lines are shouted from off-stage in ghostly tones.]

Us: Who do you fancy, Arsene?

Arsene: No-one. I’m not telling.

Us: You fancy Andrei, don’t you Arsene?

Arsene: (blushing) No. I so totally do not fancy Andrei.

Us: Yes you do! Yes you do! Yes you do! [Sings] Arsene fancies Andrei! Arsene fancies Andrei!

Arsene: No I don’t! No I don’t! [Pause]. Do you think I should let him know how I feel?

[Blackout]

… to be continued.

Serious analysis: From Wenger’s manner and his comments to CanalPlus, I would bet the family cat that we are getting pretty close with Arshavin. Something in the Sky interviewer’s voice suggested that Arsene might just have told him something rather interesting immediately before the interview. BUT, the tabloid (and broadsheet) insistence on a £20million fee is, I believe, complete bollocks. If he was 23, had won the Euros for Russia and we were in a bidding war with Madrid, Chelsea and Milan, then I can see how he might command this sort of fee.

As it is, he had flashes of brilliance at the Euros, an impressive Uefa cup and has failed to win himself a move to a top European club despite openly prostituting himself on the market and sulking for the last six months. His contract’s up in the summer and nobody (apart from Tottenham, obviously) has shown serious interest in him. Get him for between £5-10 million, I say.

That said, my affection toward’s the family cat isn’t what it once was, and I still wouldn’t be that surprised if the whole Arshavin thing turned out to be tabloid bluster which Arsene playfully won’t quash any more (though he seemed to do just that last week). What his comments show for sure is that he’s after a creative midfielder. I’d throw Van der Vaart (who’s unpopular at Madrid) and Arteta (who’s way too good for Everton) into the mix, though it would have been better for us if Arteta hadn’t scored that brace yesterday, as he’s actually had a poor season by and large by his standards.

By most people’s reckoning, that leaves us with a defensive midfielder and a central defender still on the shopping list. Arsene has hinted at wanting another midfielder, but hasn’t mentioned a defender. Hmmm. Perhaps all we need to do is ask politely? Who should we ask for then? Upson?

I think it’s fair to say that we Gooners have seen better Christmasses.

Of course we’ve also seen worse ones too, but I think I’m not alone in saying that hearing the extent of Cesc’s injury confirmed made me feel physically sick. Cesc, our new captain, our engine, and the most loved of all our players, effectively out for the rest of the season. With his time at Arsenal apparently limited to just a few more years it’s difficult to stomach any of that precious time being snatched away.

So in the immediate future we face what suddenly looks a massive game against in-form Villa, without Adebayor or Cesc. And in the longer term we face the rest of the season without any sort of midfield to speak of. There will have to be a lot of gritting of teeth, puffing out of cheeks, and squaring of shoulders from fans and players alike.

Arsene has great, great faith in players like Bendtner and Diaby. Now, more than ever, we need that faith to be repaid by these players. We need to see that they were worth Arsene’s investment of trust. You’d struggle to find an Arsenal fan who honestly believes they are, but we need them to surprise us – and soon.

Today seems to be all about the Great Cesc Replacement Suggestion Extravaganza. So far, we’ve seen names like Parker, Inler, Veloso, Noble, Arteta (an astute shout from the Arseblogger, that one), Barry, Senna, Alonso, Toure Yaya, Defour, Arshavin, Arda Turan and Mouyokolo. You can add UpForGrabsNow’s name to that list. We are willing and ready to fight for Arsenal… jusht ash shoon ash we’fe finished thissh mincshe pie.

Of course, some of these names would obviously not compensate for the loss of Cesc because they play in completely different positions.

The Arshavin saga will rumble on with the bizarre tabloid logic seeing him (a forward who can play on the wing) as the solution to our gapingly empty central midfield. Having heard Wenger yesterday, I think there’s definitely something going on with Arshavin and I wouldn’t be too surprised to see him arrive in January, though as a winger, not to fill Cesc’s boots. Arsene was very canny in the press conference on the topic, saying that it was not worth discussing “now” because it was not a ”realistic solution right now”.

To me this just sounds like he wants him but Zenit aren’t playing ball with a realistic price, holding out for an Abramovich-scale bidding war which just isn’t going to materialise. The good thing is that since he is in a big strop (saying he’d only be a Zenit player on paper if he doesn’t get a move in January) they have absolutely no bargaining power and no-one else (of any stature) wants him. If he does come in, expect it to be for a fee some way short of £10m, which is probably not much more than he’s actually worth.

In terms of actually replacing Cesc, I think Wenger will definitely bring someone in from outside the club, “internal solutions” or no.

There’s been some pretty perverse reaction from some of our fans. I’ve read people writing things like “Cesc’s injury is really bad, but at least it will force Wenger to spend money in January”. This is a totally warped point of view, twisted by hours spent impotently ranting against Wenger’s management, an activity which makes the ranter lose all sense of proportion and reason as their whole life-force seems to be channelled towards demanding big-money signings at Arsenal FC.

Forgive me for pointing out that the ultimate aim of football is not to force visionary managers into spending money at the expense of the outstanding footballers they already possess, and that maybe, just maybe, it would have been better not to have lost our best player and be forced into an unpromising market for a stop-gap solution. But at least the bleaters will get their signing at long last, which ought to quieten them down a bit (but probably won’t).

From the names being bandied about at the moment, I like the sound of Arteta in particular. Veloso and Inler are players who seem to be much admired around Europe and who would both be available at a decent price. I haven’t seen either enough to properly form an opinion of them, (and would be interested to hear the thoughts of anyone who has) but they are both still very young and I feel a more experienced player like Arteta or Alonso is more like what we need right now.

I’d be interested to hear your thoughts, though of course the only thoughts which really matter right now are those of Wenger and he’s probably got pretty different thoughts to the likes of us. He doesn’t regret selling Diarra. Gotta say I do regret that. A wee bit.

He also said he was looking forward to everyone coming over very “imaginative” in their speculation. So we can expect to see the Daily Mirror staging an open-air Nativity play in which a wise man, a shepherd and one of the cows are unmasked one after another as expensive South American solutions to Arsenal’s mid-season malaise smuggled into the UK by Arsene under the pretence of popular seasonal drama in order to avoid work-permit complications.

Of course the best thing would be if we could sign God Incarnate, who was rumoured to have been shown round London Colney last Thursday and who would certainly provide a bit of steel at centre-half.