Up For Grabs Now

Oh, what to make of it all? There was a time when I looked out for the Man Utd and Tottenham results and wanted them both to lose. It didn’t really matter who they were playing, except when they played each other when I generally hoped for a draw, injuries to key players and some long-term suspensions.

Yesterday Ashley Cole scored against Spurs. What was I meant to do?

It was the most emotionally confusing moment since a couple of hours earlier I found myself cheering Michael Owen’s winner for Man Utd. Then I saw the United fans celebrating and I stopped. Then I saw Mark Hughes’ face and I started all over again.

And what’s a Gooner to do when confronted with the spectacle of Craig Bellamy punching a United fan in the face? Whose side are we meant to be on?

Truly, Arsenal are a club surrounded by a wilderness of cunts.

Spurs and United are clubs with a long and despicable tradition of being cunts, whereas Ashley Cole may be the worst bloke alive, but he is only one bloke, not an entirely evil institution with a proven history of cuntishness – and City have only recently become complete cunts, though that doesn’t look like changing soon.

So yesterday was confusing. And there’ll be more like this to come with so many hateful clubs and individuals now in the mix, and that’s not even counting former footballer David Bentley.

My advice is to focus on the player/team that comes off worst, and to revel in their misery.

So don’t think about Cashley, think about Daniel Levy. Don’t think about United winning the Champs League, just remember John Terry making a tit of himself with the most important kick of his career.

In other news, Thomas Vermaelen’s goalscoring, fist-pumping, brave headering start in an Arsenal shirt has forced us to revise our previous comparisons – we now insist that Nemanja Vidic be referred to as ‘A Poor Man’s Thomas Vermaelen’ .

It has also strengthened the impression that new signings are always better than what we already have, not just because they’re new and shiny, but also because they’re better.

This impression only adds to the clamour for more spending, but we’d do well to remember that some signings are absolutely pants, and that Wenger’s recent purchasing of two players (for whom Man City would now almost certainly be prepared to pay £60-70m) for just £25m combined makes him a complete genius.

Signing players this good isn’t at all easy. And seeing as we’ve got very little cash, it’s just a good thing we’ve got the right man spending it.

Talking of Le Gaffer not being a mug, here’s a Gaffer mug. It is, as you might say, up for grabs now  (ahem) as part of our glamorous tryst with our friends at Philosophy Football.

To get your mits on Arsene’s mug simply answer the following question: how many domestic doubles have Arsenal won with Arsene in charge? Please email your answer with name and address to admin@philosophyfootball.com with ‘UpForGrabsNow Competition’ in the subject title. Entries close on the 30^th September.

Let's hope this isn't the only cup with Arsene written all over it this season

We interrupt our usual waffle to bring you details of what sounds like a cracking party organised by our friends at Philosophy Football. Couldn’t be more fitting, really, an ‘Up For Grabs Now’ celebration for the UpForGrabsNow blog – we’ll both be doing our utmost to be there and not be completely smashed. Probably. Although I’m suspicious about what might go in a Michael Thomas beer. Yuk. But seriously it looks like it’ll be great fun, and both Grabs and myself urge you to head on down…

The self-styled ’sporting outfitters of intellectual distinction’ at www.philosophyfootball.com have not only produced a superbly unofficial Anfield ‘89 anniversary T-shirt, which you can see below, they’ve also booked the superb Offside Bar and Gallery in Islington, nearest tube The Angel, for Tuesday 26 May, for a smash-up party to celebrate the 20^th anniversary of Arsenal’s league victory and the commentary from which this blog gets its name.

There will be a specially brewed Michael Thomas beer at ‘89 prices with old- school pie and chips supper to start this evening of Gooner nostalgia off. A specially commissioned photo exhibition featuring many previously unseen photos of that glorious season will be launched on the night.

As kick-off approaches a brilliant panel will have an hour of chat on all things Arsenal. Jason Cowley is the author of the new book about that season The Last Game : Love, Death and Football. Jason will be joined by Amy Lawrence, football writer on The Observer who in ‘89 was an Arsenal fanzine writer. All-round Gooner personality and broadcaster Tom Watt will be sharing his memories while John Williams, author of The Liverpool Way will be reminding us of the awful shadow Hillsborough cast on the game too. In the chair will be Jon Spurling, Arsenal’s unofficial historian and author of Highbury : The Story of Arsenal in N5.

Then at 8.05 it will be like travelling back in time. On the big screen the match in its entirety shown in real time complete with half- time punditry from the panel. With a pub packed full of Gooners the Offside Bar will be transformed tardis-like back twenty years, complete with a 1989 soundtrack.

There’s a small charge plus a pub-price meal available with big discounts if you book a table of 4, 6 or 8 places and make it a night out for you and your family or mates. Best of all tho’ your ticket is £5 voucher on the night against any of Philosophy Football’s T-shirts bought meaning it really costs you next to nothing.

Philosophy Football events ALWAYS SELL OUT, and places are limited, So do book early, visit www.philosophyfootball.com and click on the ‘events’ button, alternatively call 020 8802 3499.

A limited amount to waffle about today, as we hope that people don’t get injured as they run off to play for their respective nations. It’s ridiculous, isn’t it? I think they should just abandon international football altogether except for intense qualifying sessions in odd-numbered summers and then the tournaments themselves. There would be none of this club versus country malarkey, and national matches would become a real event, rather than a sad excuse for taxi drivers and builders to dress up, get drunk and be racist over a pointless and low-quality non-match.

Arsenal is my country: based in North London but comprised of the best from all over the world, and though rooted in an English tradition able to travel anywhere and beat anyone. Surely this is a finer example of a modern British group ethic than you’re ever going to find in Wayne Rooney and chums hacking pointlessly around for an hour and half?

Andrey Arshavin wants to stay forever, he says. Racking up those fans’ favourite points again. Good job Andrey. I’ve realised that every time I write his name I want to write Andre the seal, a bad children’s movie featuring a young Joshua Jackson from Dawson’s Creek. I also want to write Andre the Giant. Since the square-framed Russian is neither a seal nor a giant I’ll try not to, but forgive me if it slips out. He said.

Anyway. Other than a few bits and bobs there’s not much Arsenal news, so instead why not pass a few minutes joining me and Grabs in our New Pursuit; free gambling with Betfair. Simply click on our banner above and follow the links – bet up to £25 and if you lose you get your money back. Pretty good deal, I think you’ll agree. We’re also going to start speculating on humorous things to do with Arsenal. Keep posted.

Also don’t forget to enter the Herbert Chapman t-shirt competition. These t-shirts really are very natty: simply click on www.upforgrabsnow.com/competition for full details.

If you still haven’t done so also remember to sign up to our email list, and you’ll never have to worry about finding the site again…

Morning all, and what an exciting morning it is as we face up to AC Roma away in the Champions League. With Chelsea and Liverpool going through last night (Liverpool, I’ll grudgingly admit, in some style) it keeps up the English representation in the competition. I really don’t understand why as a player you’d want to be anywhere but the Premiership at this point, unless you’re really addicted to constant sunshine. Or Tottenham try to buy you. If things carry on in this vein we could be left with an all-English semi-final, and what larks that would be. Although I’d like Barcelona to still be around, as long as they’re the Barcelona that’s starting to crumble rather than the comically imperious Barcelona of earlier this season 

Hopefully we’ll get at them tonight and go for the magic away goal which would all but guarantee our progress, but I wouldn’t be surprised to see Arsene employ a 4-5-1 kind of a set-up, perhaps with one of the strikers playing in the hole. It also remains to be seen whether or not he’ll risk starting Eddie and Theo, or leave them on the bench to wreak havoc later on. I wouldn’t mind seeing Alex Song starting, giving him the chance to capitalise on the form he found on Sunday, but I don’t know if Arsene would back him for such an important game.

My team:

Almunia

Sagna Toure Gallas Clichy

Walcott Song Denilson Nasri

Van Persie  Eduardo

But I wouldn’t be surprised to see Bendtner start because he’s big and awkward, although personally I’m not sure this is as important in this context as being good at football, given that it’s, you know, a football match. We’ll see.

Anyway, with Roma lacking lots of their best players, and in intermittent form, I’m very optimistic about our chances tonight. The Champions League brings out the best in us, and we’re in good nick at the moment anyway.

In the meantime, don’t forget to enter our brand-new Phillosophy Football competition to win a Herbert Chapman t-shirt! Simply send the answer to the following question to admin@philosophyfootball.com, together with your name, address and t-shirt size: What was the formation that Herbert Chapman pioneered while he was at Arsenal? There’s five to be given away, and we’ll be announcing the winners at the end of the month.

Also, don’t forget to sign up to the email list below, to get your fresh slice of UpForGrabsNow love direct to your inbox every morning…

A delayed response to the stonking victory over Burnley on Sunday. Of course you’d be quite right if you said that we are a football club of sufficient stature that we oughtn’t be cheering victories over Burnley that emphatically, but the quality of our performance and our otherwise rather rickety season merits us in this instance. It also keeps us alive in the FA Cup, a competition we’ve got a good chance of winning this season, just as long as we can overcome Manchester United, Chelsea, and, er, Hull in the following rounds.

3-0, it was, and it could have been quite a few more had young Theo and Robin shot slightly different. The players involved in the goals were also wonderful statement from Arsene; all new, returning or maligned. The first was an Andrey and Carl incision of a quality that promises wonderful things for the future. A silky pass, a great first touch and then a chipped finish over the keeper. These two haven’t been around long enough to learn the Islington Shuffle, and I’ve rarely been gladder. The second has had a lot of coverage as a thing of pure beauty, and who am I to disagree. After a tentative bit of IS, Alex Song floated in a miraculously surprising ball to Eduardo who smacked it with his heel into the top corner, the sort of finish which were you in the playground you would have to spend a long time justifying as being deliberate. Eduardo isn’t in the playground, and so doesn’t have to justify his sheer technical brilliance.

The third was, as well as being slick and clinical, a goal which made you want to go and check which way round the loo was flushing. LeGal passed the ball forwards to Alex Song whose deft backheel put it in the path of the onrushing Eboue, whose finish was uncharacteristically, wonderfully clinical. Gallas-Song-Eboue-goal; what odds would you have got on that combination before the match, I wonder? Alex Song’s two assists reflected a great performance, and one which left me wondering whether it might not be Denilson who’s most nervous for his place when Cesc gets back. Song is much happier sitting back than the Brazilian, who like most of our midfielders ideally would like to be the Cesc figure. What a difference a good match can make.

So from the despair and despondency of the last few weeks we find ourselves in a position where, with a good performance against Roma tomorrow night, we can find ourselves in strong contention for two trophies and right back in the hunt for fourth place against a collapsing Villa. Great News.

In other Great News, our February Philosophy Football competition has finished- congratulations to our winners Peter Hoodless, Clementina Kyremateng, Clair Lewis Peter McNulty and Cara Taylor, who are now all the proud owners of the Arsenal t-shirts. We are also proud to announce the March competition. Same deal, only this time you can win a stonker of a Herbert Chapman t-shirt from our pals down at PF.

As before, we’ve got 5 to give away, to enter you’ve simply got to answer the following question: what formation did Herbert Chapman pioneer when he was at Arsenal? Full details are here.

Don’t forget to sign into the mailing list below. Until tomorrow, grabbers, where we’ll talk about Roma and all that jazz. Been a good few days for us gooners, hasn’t it?

Morning all.

I meant to write an instant response blog yesterday, but I couldn’t because I was too depressed. Firstly I was depressed because the lasagne I had in the Maypole (£8.50 it cost, the chuckling profiteers that they are) was disappointing, and secondly because my beloved Arsenal put in one of the limpest displays of the season against Cardiff. Thank god it was the FA Cup, is all I can say, and our limp display did not cost us points but only enforced a replay – frankly no bad thing, since on the back of that our lot are going to need all the help they can get.

The experience itself, however, was not without merit. Grabs and I watched it together with some other people, and during the long pauses between moments of any action at all, whilst Arsenal played round after round of flaccid Islington Shuffle, some interesting points came up, points such as whether or not Lukas Fabianski looks anything like Enrique Iglesias (‘July Churches’ – you’ve gotta love those Spaniards), and then whether or not Enrique Iglesias had ever actually advertised a range of small condoms (I checked – he has), and then whether Fabianski’s mole is as big as Flamini’s mole was.

So not much about the football then, but then again there wasn’t much football to be, er, much about. Cardiff began brightly, but then again so did James Dean, and he’s dead now, whilst Cardiff are very much not. The midfield looked weak: Ramsey looked out of his depth in particular, but the team as a whole just didn’t click. The extra gear these guys find for big games just wasn’t there and it’s incredibly frustrating to watch. I mean Islington Shuffle isn’t great at the best of times but sometimes at least it’s elegant. Yesterday we just looked a bit clumsy. 

Incidentally if anyone’s interested the finest piece of commentary on Islington Shuffle comes in Pro Evolution soccer 6, with the line ‘they’re stroking it around outside the box, looking for an opening’. If anyone can come up with a better football commentary innuendo my name’s not Grabber.

There were some positives.Van Persie looked good, and Nasri once again was effective in proportion to how central he found himself. In the absence of anyone else I really don’t see why he doesn’t start in the middle. And once they got going the defence looked ok for the most part, but they ought not to struggle much against the might of Jay Bothroyd.

So aside from these small graces it was an afternoon to forget, which is a bit of a shame since it was the only football for ages, and now we’re going to have to return to talking about Arshavin until the cows come home. There’s talk in the papers today about a deal finally being reached, but I can’t say I care either way anymore, especially not if it means the other midfielders are all going to start demanding more money. The grubbuckets.

Don’t forget our fantastic Philosophy Football giveaway: you can win a fantastic and strictly unofficial Arsénal t-shirt. Grabs and I both have them and they’re brill – to enter simply answer the question:

Who was Arsene Wenger managing when he joined Arsenal?

Email your answer to admin@philosophyfootball.com with the heading Up For Grabs Now Competition – deadline for entries is 28 February. In the meantime feel free to visit their website: lots of good stuff on it… http://www.philosophyfootball.com/new_win.html

And finally do please remember you can now sign up for Up For Grabs Now emails, delivering you the most eloquent and intelligent Arsenal waffle straight to your inbox, so you no longer have to worry about checking to see how lazy we’ve been: sign up using the box below.

 Up For Grabs Now has exciting news: we’ve teamed up with our favourite purveyors of high-quality and innovative football t-shirts, Philosophy Football to provide an extra-special competition for you lucky readers.

Philosophy Football have franglaised ’Arsenal’ in tribute to Monsieur Wenger who has brought so much joie de vivre to the red half of North London. The design is inspired by the superb book Arsènal by Alex Fynn and Kevin Whichter, which is strongly recommended to anyone who prefers their Arsenal media to be high-quality and printed rather than low-quality and online.

The shirt is available from www.philosophyfootball.com we have 5 to be won in our February competition. To enter simply answer the following question:

What club was Arsène Wenger managing when he was appointed Arsenal Manager?

Send your answer to admin@philosophyfootball.com with full name, address and T-shirt size, with the subject heading ‘Up For Grabs Now competition’. Entries close 28 February. The site also has a host of good t-shirts, both Arsenal and general, perfect for the discerning football fan (i.e. all of you lot who read our superior guff).

In other news, we’re becoming increasingly erratic. Whilst before Up For Grabs Now was a haven of daily rubbish, we now concentrate the rubbish into gobbets every other day. As we get back into the football proper this will change. But for a while I hope you’ve enjoyed this little rest as much as Arsene seems to have.

This is all the more true since at the moment there is basically nothing going on to talk about, particularly since I refuse to discuss Andrei Arshavin until something happens for sure or not. I’ve already said I’m not sure what he’ll bring to the table, and from that point of view I’m happy the club seems unprepared to pay over and above the odds for him.

I’m more surprised that we haven’t brought in someone to shore up the middle, but then again the existing players aren’t as far off as people seem to think, and there hasn’t been much in the transfer window (aside from Man City and their comedy purchases).

Speaking of which, given that they’ve bought him I’m amazed that nobody, to my knowledge, ever mentioned Nigel de Jong as a prospective Arsenal target. About the right price and pedigree. Anyone know anything about this? Would he have been a good Arsenal player?

To continue our ‘laugh at Tottenham’ trend I found this little nugget of brilliance from ‘Onest ‘Arry on MSN:

Redknapp added: “He’s the only goalkeeper I’ve got and this is a football club that has been put together by I don’t know who and I don’t know how.It’s a mish-mash of players with people playing where they want to play. It’s scary.

Our love of Tottenham Hotspur condenses in the final sentence: ‘It’s scary’. Quite right ‘Arry, and we’re all delighted you’re on board to escort this mish-mash all the way into the Championship. Harharhar.

Now for Kung-Fu Panda. Come on the Arsenal for Cardiff tomorrow – we’ll have a full preview later, but I’m hoping there are some opportunities for the youngsters, and fingers crossed a returning certain E. da Silva…