Up For Grabs Now

On the face of it, the game was a thriller – end to end stuff from the off, a terrifying penalty shoot-out and some dreadful near-misses.

And, somehow, we are in the Champions’ League Quarter Finals. Onwards and upwards.

Watching it, it was without doubt amongst the most boring Arsenal matches I can remember. It may have been end to end, but by the time it got to the relevant end, the attackers seemed to lose interest and feebly gift possession to the opposition. We carried absolutely no threat, even against a central defence which featured Riise for large periods. Robin was hopelessly isolated up front and whenever the ball reached him he snatched at it, aware that he needed something extraordinary without a supporting team-mate within 40 yards.

We had nothing. They had nothing. Between these nothings emerged a game so bad that poor Grabber almost lost his faith, not just in Arsenal, but in the point of football as a leisure pursuit. It was truely turgid fare – the first half was bad enough, by the time an hour had been played it was rare to see a pass reaching its target and both managers had slumped into their Club class seats in the dugout, sulking visibly and peering out occasionally between their lapels.

Something to get off my chest:

WHAT A STUPID FECKIN GOAL TO CONCEDE, I MEAN REALLY, YOU’VE WORKED YOUR BALLS OFF FOR A 1-0 LEAD AND THEN WITHIN 9 MEASLY SODDING MINUTES THE BALL’S IN OUR NET THANKS TO UNFORGIVABLE DEFENDING. NOT GOOD ENOUGH.

I BLAME GALLAS. AT LEAST TOURE TRIED TO GET TO IT. [that's enough shouting - Ed]

Observations: easy to say this with hindsight but a mistake to go with identical system/personnel to the first leg. Roma were clearly going to approach the game quite differently.

In a midfield which stunk pretty hard, Diaby had an especially smelly game. Roma were bereft of Perotta, De Rossi and (though he featured at the end) Aquilani. We ought to have been able to dominate from midfield as a result but, well, didn’t. I wonder if Song might have added something? Call that an outrageous piece of speculation about a player not much-beloved, but perhaps it would have been his night. It would certainly have freed up Denilson a bit from his defensive job, which was scrappy at best.

Gael and Bacary played OK, I thought, though Gael was mighty lucky not to concede that penalty when he hauled down Motta on half time.

Beyond that, I’d be fascinated to hear your views on the match and on its possible significance for our season. Wenger did his usual thing and built it up (remember his puff about “getting on the train and staying on it” for the triple header with Liverpool last season?) saying that the match would be “definitive”. Definitive of what? Ineffectuality? Or gritty, grinding victories?

We’ve started a new Arse-Poll (top right) to see who our knowledgeable readers believe to be the worst exponent of the Islington Shuffle. For those who might not know, the Islington Shuffle (IS) is the complex tactical ideology employed in recent seasons by Arsenal whereby possession of the ball is maintained in close proximity to the opposition penalty area for long periods of the game through a series of intricate lateral passing movements which amount to nothing. There can be no shooting, crossing or box-busting, surging running for the True Shuffler. Personally I thought tonight Diaby made a very strong case for the accolade of our foremost shuffler with some particularly fruitless shuffling.

Ooh, and don’t forget to enter our brand-new Phillosophy Football competition to win a Herbert Chapman t-shirt! Simply send the answer to the following question to admin@philosophyfootball.com, together with your name, address and t-shirt size: What was the formation that Herbert Chapman pioneered while he was at Arsenal? There’s five to be given away, and we’ll be announcing the winners at the end of the month.

So a slim 1-0 lead to take to Rome but, I feel, a lead which ought to make us strong favourites to progress to the quarter finals.

It should have been more. The tie should be over.

Let’s get the missed chances out of the way first off, principally a howler from Eboue who decided to fanny around inconsequentially when one-on-one with Doni before sidefooting wide. Then there was Bendtner who somehow managed to clear the crossbar from about 8 yards and loads of time. There were other good chances, of course, but those 2 were the ones that you really have to nail in a tie of this magnitude.

I thought we’d be punished tonight, let’s just hope we don’t regret those misses too much in Rome.

Yet apart from their glaring misses, Bendtner and (especially) Eboue had played well. It was a strange decision from the Boss to start Nasri inside with Bendtner wide left and Van Persie alone up top, but it unsettled the Italians and while Bendtner’s individual performance left a bit to be desired, the tactical threat which he carried was considerable. Eboue had a strong game defensively and seemed to have got over the concentration deficit which has plagued him so often. His charges forward were pretty regular and, like most teams, Roma didn’t really know what to do.

Unfortunately, neither did Eboue once he got himself into a position to really cause some damage.

You sometimes get the feeling that people who talk about Arsenal’s ‘Total Football’ have got it all wrong. Total Football is about players who are comfortable in loads of positions and can basically execute whatever skill is required of them. Many of our players simply don’t have this. They are passers and providers who have worked so much on that aspect that they seem to have lost the ability to shoot, or simply drive past the final man when you’re charging forward and he’s backpeddling. Surely it’s not that hard, and if Wenger did a bit of shooting practise with the likes of Denilson, Eboue, Clichy, Sagna I think we’d see quite a few more goals.

Obviously they’re never going to be our main scorers, but in situations like Eboue found himself in this evening, it would be nice to be hoping he would score rather than waiting for him to miss.

Also, and I know a lot of fans will have had this thought, but since we have a player with such extraordinary close-control and ability to shoot on the turn as Van Persie, the Islington Shuffle is especially counter-productive as an effective way of scoring goals. We got the penalty after 2 quick, central passes ended up at Van Persie’s feet and the defender couldn’t deal with it. We always used to pass quickly, but right now we aren’t trying to walk the ball into the net (the common misconception) but are in fact executing a complex routine of goal-threat avoidance. I just wish they wouldn’t.

Still, a strong performance overall from the boys, who made Roma appear very ordinary indeed.

Their defence looked pretty suspect and Mexes should really have been sent off with a second yellow for the penalty. Roma will carry a definite attacking threat in 2 weeks time, but without an away goal or the suspended Daniele de Rossi, they will really need to come at us, which should provide lots of counter-attacking opportunities for the MAJESTIC Robin Van Persie to blast contemptuously into the net and then repeat his dandruff-brushing routine.

We always play well in Italy.

PS Don’t forget to enter our brilliant Philosophy Football competition. You could win an extremely elegant t-shirt.

So we’ve got Roma to look forward to in the next round of the Champions League. Is this a good thing? I think it probably is. In the olden days I was very scared of playing Roma, but now that I’m older I realise that this was only because they had Francesco Totti when I was impressionable and in the throes of my Championship Manager 2000-2001 addiction.
I’m done with that now.

Undoubtedly they still have a strong (ish) side, but we tend to play well against the Italians, and I think the team at the moment is better suited to playing in Europe. So out of the available teams I can’t say I’m too disappointed. Of course the match everyone was looking forward to is Barcelona, but with them in the form they’re in just now I can’t see us doing much over two legs. I’d love to play them, but hopefully later when we’re a bit better than we are now and when we might not lose horribly. Is there honestly anyone who can say they’d enjoy the sight of Leo Messi and, er, Thierry Henry and, er er, Alex Hleb (alright the last one’s not so bad) bearing down on Song and Silvestre?

Didn’t think so.

The shares saga is rumbling on too, with LNBS, or ‘Bracers’ as she’s known in the dressing room, issuing a statement saying how disappointed she is to have been ousted like this. It’s a bit rich to expect us to believe that the board room ousted her – even the most trusting fan would have difficulty swallowing the idea that Hill-Wood et al. removed her to create the sense of turmoil. You can imagine the conversation, can’t you?

P H-W: So, things at the club have been a bit smooth and perfect really.
N B-S: Yes, I quite agree.
S K: Yeeehaaaaawwww.
P H-W: I think we should stir some shit up.
N B-S: What do you mean.
P H-W: You know, change it up and shit. Ruffle some feathers.
N B-S: We need to dispel the image of the club as well-run and stable.
P H-W: I quite agree. How about I fire your ass, then everyone in the world can speculate about how Arsenal Football Club could be about to fall into the hands of a Thieving Usbeki Rapist.
N B-S: But, but, but Pet-
P H-W: Quit your jibber-jabber bitch. Getouttamyface.
N B-S: You haven’t heard the last of me.
P H-W: Sure, sure.
S K: Yeeehaaaawwwww.
A U: (In background) Mwahhahahahaha. Now I can steal and rape Arsenal, just as I have stolen and raped everything for my whole life. I’ll get started just as soon as I’ve finished raping this person and stealing these things.

Perhaps not. But it’s a sweet idea.

Here is a fun little video of van Persie that’s been doing the rounds. What should the team be for Liverpool?