Up For Grabs Now

Internationals, eh? Bad to friggin’ worse they are. Wenger was fuming at the start of the week and if the papers are to be believed this morning (which, in fairness, they aren’t) then he will by now be crouched outside the English FA’s Soho Square headquarters with some cheesewire and an unquenchable wrath, ready to open up an enormous can of whoop-ass. Confronted by the enraged Alsatian, the quivering suits may have no choice but to hand over £200k.

This will be comfort about as cold as it is possible for comfort to be, especially in a week where we have already lost Sagna until December. It now looks as though much will rest on the slender and frankly silly shoulders of Emmanuel Eboue, the man who has patrolled Arsenal’s right side with so much, well, silliness for the last 3 years. My own preference would be to confine Eboue to right back at all times, regardless of his knowledge of what Arsene did last summer. I’d put Carlos Vela on the left and switch Nasri to the right (which he can play, just as much as he can play on the left – like most of Arsene’s wingers he is actually a central midfielder).

Many people have been groaning about how Theo’s injury shows how wafer-thin the current squad is. They definitely have a point. Of the current Arsenal squad, possible back-up includes Eboue, Rosicky, Eduardo, Nasri, Ramsey and Wilshere (and you could probably throw in some Out Of Position Diaby (OOPD) and Innappropriate Outbursts of Song (IOS) if you were feeling really positive about things, which we definitely aren’t). Both good options here are injured for a very long time and were already injured for a very long time before Theo got injured; Nasri has rather pressing left-side commitments and Eboue is such a disgrace to the good name of the midfielding profession that if he ever turned up at some sort of National Union of Midfielders conference I think he would attract more than a few hard stares. So yes, it is pretty thin.

The Ramzoid made his debut for Wales last night down the right of midfield and he could yet prove the best option. He would have grabbed a debut goal but for the incredible selfishness of Craig Bellamy, and by all accounts played well. Also playing well was Robin van Persie, who looked miraculously fresh for his game against Sweden, bagging a brace. Playing very badly, despite what the tabloids will tell you, was John Terry whose mega balls-up against Germany had a definite Cyganity (TM) about it.

Transfer gossip: Vast Belgian centre-half Daniel van Buyten says he admires Arsenal. Thanks very much Danny! He also says he likes Bayern Munchen but will see what happens in January. Well, that’s big of you. We are also linked with a bidding war with MIDDLESBOROUGH (shit, this could be tricky) for yet another Belgian, Steven Defour. Perhaps in a twist to his usual policy of only purchasing the very young, Arsene has tightened his focus to only purchasing the Belgian very young.

Lastly, I feel it is my duty to draw your attention to a much under-discussed interview Le Gal did while away with France. See what you think and try not to fall off your chair at the end:

“Defenders are judged whether the team wins or not. There have been matches when I have played better than when I faced Manchester United, but if we’ve lost, it isn’t recognised.

“But now, the fact that it is Manchester United, there is pressure, a lot of things around this game, having won 2-1, we immediately talked about the match of Gallas. I’m not complaining.”

“We immediately talked about the match of Gallas.” What? Did we? I didn’t, did you? Certainly not. Who did, then? The Press? No, not really, they focussed more on Nasri. Hold on William, it was you wasn’t it. You’re the only person who talked about the match of Gallas. Let’s just hope he didn’t talk about it with the team afterwards. I can exclusively reveal that this story was first broken by UpForGrabsNow in our post-match report. It’s in the sixth paragraph of that report and we said:

“A small quibble with Gallas though, and this is going to sound ridiculous, but at the very end, whilst the TV cameras were swaying around Ronaldo’s lithely disappointed torso, Gallas went to the Redaction end of the Emirates and beat his chest to the crowd’s adulation, as if he had won the whole match on his own. Clearly it’s ridiculous to complain about a celebration, particularly after such an important win, but you couldn’t help but feel that whilst he revels in the attention, it was exemplary of the fair-weather captaincy which has disappointed so many fans this season. We need him to feel that imperious all the time, not just when he’s won.”

Wise words indeed, UpForGrabsNow, wise words indeed.

My, don’t I feel rough today? After I had between twenty-five and a million beers I got home and felt nostalgic for my childhood, so prepared myself a soft boiled egg and dipping soldiers, then ate it quietly on my own as I thought fondly of my youth.

Anyway, this now means that I can’t have that for breakfast, much as I’d like to, because I ate my last egg. Which is a pity, because right now I’d love to eat it quietly on my own and think fondly of the Arsenal of my youth.

But speaking of the youth of Arsenal, it has buggered itself, in the form of  L’il Theo Walcott dislocating his shoulder and being out for three months. Three months! I’m sure that I’ve seen people in documentaries like Rambo dislocating their shoulders, popping them back in and then heading back to snog a girl and fight a war. The least Theo could do is pop it back in and head back in time to beat teams like Hull City.

Honestly. Theo? Why Theo? Why not Gallas, or Eh?boohim? Or Bendtner? Eh?boohim could be out for a thousand years and I wouldn’t worry, except that he might get bored with his Buckaroo and finally reveal What Arsene Did Last Summer. Not that I wouldn’t like to know What Arsene Did Last Summer, but I fear it might make for an awkward mid-season.

Anyway, in practical terms what Theo’s injury does is give us a bit of a headache in midfield. Without him on the right the boss has a few questions to answer, particularly since his width has been one of the best things about the team this season. One option would be to put Nasri on the right, though with Sammy playing so well on the left it seems a bit unlikely. In that scenario you could put Carl on the left, and give him a chance to start darting inside like Rob Pires. I wonder about his defensive qualities, though, especially with Gael not quite at the top of his game either. I expect Wenger will play it cautiously, and that we’ll see a lot of out of position Diaby, perhaps broken intermittently by inappropriate outbursts of Song.

Ach. I’m beginning to depress myself. If anyone’s got non-depressing ideas I’d love to hear them, particularly if they involve Young Jack Wilshere or the Ramzoid.

Aside from his headache, Arsene’s likely to be furious, as he never likes the timing of international matches like these anyway, and least of all when people leave the comforting bubblewrap of Arsenal and go and injure themselves horribly with their national teams. I mean what do they put in the water? Maybe someone was jealous of his trainers and barged into him before stealing his lunch money.

Le Grove has a depressing piece about the possible financial and ownership implications of another season without silverware, though I have to say I disagree with it. I think the fans are more patient than that, and also the small-stake shareholders he’s talking about, who might want to sell, were probably never in it for profit anyway but instead have shares to express their love for the club, however frustrating it might be sometimes… worth thinking about, still.

I don’t want to end on a depressing note, so here’s this from a couple of years ago… Still very funny, though it has a certain horrible hubris now. Much as it did in the original, I suppose.