At last, the final day of the transfer window has arrived! The online community had been champing at the bit all season for the transfer window to re-open. After lengthy and ill-informed debates, an online consensus was reached that our team is guff and requires at least a defensive midfielder, a winger and a warrior centre-half. The radical wing of the online community also demanded the punitive sales of players like Bendtner, Eboue, Song and in some cases even Denilson, but by and large sense prevailed and the extremists grudgingly allowed them to stay in the post-January Arsenal team, “as long as they never have to play”.
Arsene duly delivered… a series of grumpy press conference performances, and no signings. This has got Le Grumblers jumping up and down, gnashing their teeth, and swearing grim oaths against Arsene.
Yawn.
But that’s all going to come to an end today because …[wait for it]… SkySports reports that Andrei Arshavin has boarded a plane for London! The saga will end! Andrei’s on his way! Hurray!
But what’s this? The Daily Heil reports that Arshavin’s plane is bound for Honduras where he will snub Arsenal in favour of a “dream job” as a taxi driver in a sleepy coastal town!
The Daily Mirror reports that Andrei actually missed his plane and so will have to make a swashbuckling motorcycle dash across the European continent if he’s to make it to Blighty by the tea-time deadline!
Goal.com has an exclusive report which says that Andrei sent a body double onto the plane in order to fool the dull-witted English tabloid hacks clustered around the gangway, and that he intends to “live the free life of a rover” rather than involve himself in the hurly burly of Arsenal’s fight for the fourth Champions’ League spot.
PremiershipLatest.com reports that it’s one of the worst websites of all time!
Whatevs. I’ll get excited if we suddenly sign ‘Lil Lionel Messi at 16.45. Other than that, don’t even bother to wake me up.
Update: we’ve been contacted by Tottenham Hotspur FC about some missing persons. If you know of anybody currently playing in the Premiership area who used to play for Tottenham Hotspur please give Daniel Levy a ring. They’ve managed to find most of the players they’ve sold in recent years but are hoping for a few more before the deadline. If anyone knows where Younes Kaboul is, do let them know as apparently they want to sign him for a mega £24 million.
Updated Update: Brian Swanson, he of SkySportsNews fame, is telling anyone who’ll listen (which on a day like today happens to be roughly 347 live bloggers) that Andrei is off to Russia, having spent just hours at his hotel in London. Swanson says that Arsenal and Zenit still haven’t agreed a fee and so Andrei is hot-tailing it back to Russia, Swanson apparently having seen him leave the hotel bound for a mysterious London airport. Which seems like a bit of a rash move in such an on-off saga doesn’t it? It also seems like quite a lot of detailed information to be coming from some wally with a brolly freezing his bollies off outside a nice hotel. It also seems like exactly the kind of shit SkySportsNews need to come up with to justify having a rolling news station dedicated to a sport which only really happens on mid-week evenings and weekends.
If you ask me, it’s more likely that Andrei’s going to London Colney and that Brian Swanson is gibbering out of his ass.
Don’t forget our fantastic Philosophy Football giveaway: you can win a fantastic and strictly unofficial Arsénal t-shirt. Grabs and I both have them and they’re brill – to enter simply answer the question:
Who was Arsene Wenger managing when he joined Arsenal?
Email your answer to admin@philosophyfootball.com with the heading Up For Grabs Now Competition – deadline for entries is 28 February. In the meantime feel free to visit their website: lots of good stuff on it… http://www.philosophyfootball.com/new_win.html
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